What gets your crank going? What are your fantasies? These are the questions that are always there for us kinsters. And we are fortunate enough to be able to explore and search for another person (or people) to make them a reality. A good part of those desires in this community center around various Power Exchange relationships. Whether you're a Master, a Sir or a Daddy, there are just as many slaves, boys, and other submissives out there looking for someone to take control. In fact, there are usually many, many more submissives than there are Dominants in our community.
This was the scene into which I walked a decade ago, and all of a sudden, I found Myself the object of a lot of attention. It was intoxicating… for a nerdy Numbers geek, who was finally finding his inner leatherman. I went from being on the sidelines at events to having lots of boys approach Me. It was easy… I didn't have to work hard as the numbers favored Me (more subs than Doms), and I could always go online and get immediate validation into what felt like a 'desert landscape' of good Doms, with a plethora of 'thirsty' subs.
As I started to make more connections – more serious connections – in the community, this didn't abate. But looking back on things, I realize that it was very easy for Me to get lazy. I didn't have to work in the relationships – I didn't have to pursue. People came to Me, and, if they weren't happy with what I gave them, they left as well. Easy come, easy go. I've watched this same phenomenon happen with other Doms – especially attractive or younger Doms. It is easy to collect a following – a harem of boys and slaves – who follow you around, but, at the core, these are often shallow arrangements. Now, for some people, this is enough. A scene or an online interaction may be all that the people involved want. It may not need to get deep into a relationship. It could be purely transactional like a FinDom exchange – here's money so that I can get your appreciation and attention. There's nothing wrong with that at all, as long as everyone is aware and understands the limits of the interaction.
But when one wants to start building deeper and more meaningful connections (which I believe is a prominent goal of most people in this community), the shallow interactions can no longer happen. As with any relationship that's meaningful, there needs to be investment and time put into the other person. And this is where being a 'Lazy Dom' doesn't work. The gift of submission is truly that – a gift. It takes a strong, knowing person to realize that their sexual/emotional fantasies involve giving themselves over to another person. Giving a Dom the power to make the decisions and call the shots – even for a scene – is major exercise in trust. It's a very courageous act and should not be taken lightly. When it's a longer-term arrangement, commitment and effort are needed. Communication – especially emotional communication - is paramount, as expectations will be different. If all this doesn't happen, then resentment, hurt, anger, and heartbreak can easily result. From someone who's been there and has made these mistakes, this is not somewhere you want to go.
So, in the hopes of imparting wisdom, I would like to offer some advice to My fellow Dominant men out there. Enjoy the attention of the boys, slaves, pups, and various other subs. You're an object that could fulfill their fantasy just as much as they can fulfill yours. Play – a LOT – with people and have fun. But when you start finding that sub – or subs – who mean more to you, when you find a submissive whose service goes above and beyond and truly adds to your life, do NOT take it for granted. Don't get lazy. The more you nurture and invest in a person like that, the more you will get in return in your life. And the rewards will be amazing – for everyone.
So… If what I've said resonates with you, reflect on My thoughts and think about how you can make your D/s relationship better, about how you can make your subs as happy as they make you. If you think what I'm saying is crap, I won't be offended. Every D/s relationship is unique to the individuals involved and my thoughts on what works for Me may not fit your dynamics. But I will leave you with a quote I recently saw online about ongoing interactions between Dominants and submissives.
"The number one job of the Dominant is to continually seduce consent from the submissive."
Find that special sub – Build the D/s relationship - Get that consent – and continue to get your kinky rocks off!!
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