MEMBER ARTICLE: Honour, Discipline and Self-development
07 September 2020
After separating from the United States Marine Corps while the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy was still being enforced, I knew I would be looking for a new, fun, and exciting life back home in "New York". I also knew I had acquired new skills and a new perspective on life. Honour, Discipline and self development are now the pillars that guide me in all that I do because of the training and experience I received while in the Marines. Suppressing who I was inside didn't feel good, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do another enlistment with the expectation to hide the fact that I'm a gay man. So my only sane option was to separate after my 4 years was over and head back to New York from California.
Adjusting to life back home with my family and friends was easy in some areas and difficult in others. My mom was still struggling with my sexual orientation, and all my friends were either still in college or managing some pretty heavy schedules. So I often had freedom to explore alone. After work I'd find myself in the city meeting guys for random dates and hookups. Most of them weren't fulfilling, but the ones that stood out were what I now know to be Kinky. If you would've mentioned kink to me 10-12 years ago, I would've looked at you like you were crazy, but I accept it and embrace it now.
There was something missing from my life that the Marine Corps gave me that I didn't know I'd miss until I got back into civilian life. It gave me the feeling of belonging to something larger than just me. I no longer had to police myself the way I did. I no longer had to be in bed at a certain hour or report in to anyone, and it felt weird. I was freaked out at the fact that I missed those things and the people I had those experiences with, the brotherhood and camaraderie, being in sync with someone you just met because you have the same mission and goal in mind. I needed to find this feeling again somewhere in civilian life or I'd go crazy!
One day, I got a message from a guy thousands of miles away from me looking to plan a date for his visit to the states from UK, and I was like ok what do you get into? He says he likes submitting to Black Guys. I'm like ok, but what activities? He says likes bondage and toys but mostly getting fisted. At that time I'd never fisted anyone before so it would definitely be my first experience, but I didn't want to tell him that. So I faked it, like I was some fisting God from hell, and said "Lets Make It Happen".
I'm pretty adventurous by nature. I'm the "I'll try anything once type". We set a date to meet, and a few weeks later he showed up ready and eager. We had a good play session, and surprisingly I was a pretty good with my hands! So good I got an invite to his flat in East Hounslow, London.
That experience woke something up in me. His obedience and willingness to accomplish whatever foolish task I gave him at the time (because I didn't know the first thing about Dominating anyone) turned me on sexually -- all while being mostly mental. I took him up on his invitation to visit London and we became very good friends over the years thereafter. I did more exploration of my sexuality and kink while there, and even travelled to neighbouring cities and countries to explore there and I found a lot of interesting things that further encouraged me to dig deeper, I wanted to find out why I was so enamoured by my newfound kinky side.
I ended up staying longer than I had expected to stay in London and returned to New York motivated to find what I had experienced abroad in my hometown, but I didn't know where to begin. I had remembered my friend mentioning recon to find other kinky guys so I downloaded the app again to see what things were like in America on the kinky side, and to my surprise there were tons of guys here looking for the same or similar things as I was. That is where the journey really began for and finding my persona and moving forward with exploring that.
As for now I am waiting on things to find some normality to begin traveling and meeting some friends I've made through networking and social media. I am also exploring ownership and the connections that come with that responsibility.
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