I'm a successful professional software developer by day and have an, um, exciting sex life by night.
How did you first get into fetish and kink?
I realised I was kinky before I realised I was gay. I can recall a few early memories: playing war games with my best friend as a kid and always wanting to be the one who got captured; watching WWF (aka WWE) and loving the roided-out muscle guys in skimpy spandex taking shots to the nuts; feeling my dick swell whenever there was a torture scene in movies; getting kneed in the balls at sleepaway camp at age 14 and then immediately wandering off into the woods to jerk off about 15 times; finding old Shotgun videos online on a dial-up connection at a relative's house and feeling completely amazed that other people were into the same thing I was. When I moved to New York for college at age 18, one of the first things I did was find someone on Craigslist (don't judge, it was 2003) to tie me up. This guy in Harlem—I never came across him again—tied me up, flogged me, put clothespins on my nipples, and milked me and I had never been more scared but also never so wildly turned on. The rest is history.
What are your main fetishes?
TS: There's something about no-mercy "involuntary" torture that just drives me absolutely wild. Electro and CBT are long-time favourites, and I love single-tail whipping (there's something just incredible about the sound of a snapping whip) although I am still learning how to take it better. But in the past few years my nipples have suddenly become hardwired to my cock, which I am loving. The other thing that turns me on immensely is dungeons. The moment I walk into a well-equipped dungeon I basically want to quit my day job and be chained up there for the rest of my life. Not very practical, but a painpig can dream.
What gets you off about torture scenes?
TS: I've asked myself about this a lot. I think as a sub I enjoy it because I am kind of (ok, really) "type A" in real life. I've always taken my education, my sports, and my career very, very seriously - getting into elite schools, getting two Masters degrees, starting my own successful business, working for prestigious companies, and joining competition fight (Jiu Jitsu, boxing, Muay Thai) teams. The other side of it is that I really struggle with ADHD, which means I have so much trouble calming my brain down and getting it to focus on just one thing.
There's something about being tied down and getting hurt that forces you just temporarily let go of both that need for control and channels all of your energy in one direction which is such a welcome relief to someone like me. People with ADHD have trouble making their brain feel "stimulated" and as a result we tend to be thrill-seekers, and what's more thrilling than being strapped down and being put through the wringer? (I think this also explains why I love martial arts).
As a Dom—a side of me that has grown over time—I know what drives me wild as a sub, so I feel well-positioned to replicate it. Plus, I just can't help that I get rock hard hearing people scream and beg.
Describe an ideal scene
It's funny, the energy of the Dom/Master really matters to me. The more forceful/merciless someone is with me, the more I can take. For pain play, I don't like being a "sub" so much as a "victim" with no choice in the matter. Like, don't try to whip me unless I'm tied up because I will resist and fight back. If someone backs off just cause I'm screaming and complaining, that disappoints me, and they end up seeing it as me being weaker than I present myself. If they tell me to shut the fuck up and take it or just straight up ignore me, I get hard as a rock and eventually the endorphins kick in and I can eventually enter that sub space (sometimes getting there is brutal, though). Setting is also important. Being in a well-equipped dungeon is SUCH a turn-on—suspension rigs, racks, cages, bondage boards, bondage chairs, torture instruments—I should probably stop before I cream myself. I really want to explore more POW/interrogation type scenes as well.
When it comes to gear, where do your tastes lie?
Leather all the way. For some reason, rubber really doesn't do it for me (no judgments, boys). Maybe because I also just sweat so much? Plus, I just swoon over the smell and feel of leather. There's something so sensual and masculine about it. Did I mention dungeon furniture and tools? Oof.
What do you go for in fetish guys?
As a pain pig, I look for sadistic no-mercy type tops that are well-equipped and experienced and prepared to push my limits forcefully. It's unusual for me to want to have sex in those situations since I generally get off on the victimisation part and sex kind of breaks that sub space for me. So, I don't tend to care so much what the sadists look like physically, quite frankly, although if they're in full leathers that's definitely a turn-on.
When I'm domming, I like for it to be for younger guys, and I do often like to fuck them senseless as a reward, especially if they're got a nice big butt. I also have a life-long weakness for men of colour—not in a fetishized or race-play kind of way (absolutely not my thing), more in a "excuse me while I drool because you're so freakin' sexy to me" kind of way.
Describe a favourite encounter you've had through Recon
I've been on Recon for so long—I think since it was called Masters4Slaves or something—it's hard to pick one. More recently, I did manage to coordinate with Hard-Master (@AMASTERforU) and ended up spending 4 days chained and tortured in his new slave compound in Malta ahead of a business trip in Europe this summer (the bruises were a bit challenging to explain to co-workers). We actually chatted on Recon for nearly 7 years before finally meeting. It was totally worth the wait—it was the most intense and fantasy-fulfilling experience I've ever had and am so incredibly grateful for it.
I also met Roger of Shotgun Video (@MuscleCBT)—who created the earliest porn I ever jerked off to—and we've been playing for years now, which 14-year-old me would never have believed. Maybe I'll be in one of his videos someday and it will all come full circle ;)
Finally, if there's anything else you'd like to share with Recon members, now's your chance
It's funny, I came out of the closet publicly as gay when I was 15, the first kid in my high school ever to do so, because I just thought lying about it was ridiculous and too much stress. I was always out as gay on my fight teams as well as I refuse to go back in the closet. Kink has always kind of felt like a second coming out, and it's taken me much, much longer to be open about it with friends and the people I fuck around with. I really wish, however, that it hadn't taken so long.
The result of that delay in my self-actualisation was an epic "trail of tears" of failed relationships throughout my 20s and early 30s. I broke the hearts of way too many amazing men I just couldn't connect with on that level, and it's one of the few things I deeply regret in life. When your vanilla boyfriend is going through the motions to try to satisfy you, it's endearing, but it's just not at all the same as being with someone who really UNDERSTANDS and NEEDS kink the same way you do on an animalistic level. I'm really sorry to those men whom I've hurt—by lying to myself and what I needed, I own up to the fact that I've lied to them as well.
I am so happy to have recently entered into a dom/sub relationship with Bull (@Wolves), and I feel like my life has changed as a result. I am finally with someone whom I can deeply relate to on a visceral level, and I am just madly in love with him the way I've never loved anyone before. We want to build a leather family together. It took me until age 34 to realize this was what I need, but I'm glad I got there eventually. He is just perfection.
After I learned he has a porn Twitter, I decided to make my own because I want to make the kind of videos that I want to see. Mainstream BDSM porn can be so cheesy sometimes, I want to make some more raw and gritty stuff. I'm only a couple of weeks in and am still feeling it out—yeah there's some vanilla stuff mixed in there too—but give me a follow at twitter.com/JosephOxXXX (my boyfriend is linked in my profile as well) and there is plenty of more content to come.
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