Now, dear reader, if you're on Recon the likelihood is that you have an attraction to something considered sexually unconventional, ranging from a mild liking for people in gear, to a pretty intense idea of inequality, which can develop into something highly charged.
Power Exchange is on a real sliding scale, from being in cuffs for a short while, to having to cede serious power to a Dom. As a sub, I find powerlessness very alluring; you learn what sub space is and find comfort in it. I have always found the mental aspects of submission the most attractive and genuinely exciting.
It is hard to put into words the genuine excitement you feel when encountering someone who knows and understands the power of dominance. I remember the first time someone got me in to that place; it was just a chatroom conversation. My legs shook in uncontrollable excitement, it was weird, but it was a physical manifestation of the excitement. I was overcome by just the thought of being controlled, locked down, punished and owned by another man. The anticipation is everything.
I find that the best aspects of mental submission are how you fill in the gaps; imagine a silent movie playing out and you see scenes and then there's some form of narration. When you see a film like this, your head is bridging the gaps from one scene to another. You make that narrative more powerful, more sexual, more intense with your imagination.
The difficulty is that you can only achieve a certain amount of the fantasy in reality. This is because some of your fantasies are not always entirely sane, that Doms are people too and that as someone engaged in the real world, with other friends and family, you don't want to lose a sense of what normal is.
There is also the advice of a very good Dom that, for the sub, when it comes to 'All the things I want done to me', it becomes an all you can eat buffet, and the sub's eyes are bigger than the plate. Good Doms have to manage these expectations, whilst good subs have to understand that a power dynamic is like a picture, and that together with the Dom you gradually colour it in.
I think one of the factors with Recon is that we all have different fetishes; it's very easy to dismiss a profile if it doesn't follow exactly what you're looking for. I'd be lying if I said I'd not taken that approach in the past. I might not like certain fetishes or find one aspect that I think might be hard to live with - we can all have hard limits. I'd find it difficult with certain religious or political views too, but there does need to be a sense of negotiation and an open mind. That specific fantasy in your head might need to allow for some poetic license!
Fantasies are hot, there is no doubt about it; guys in leather and rubber, black boots, the sense of threat, the anticipation of being controlled. The way we make that work in the real world has always been a challenge to me. I thought I'd share some of the things I have done in public which would go unnoticed but still do the trick.
Before the Covid-19 outbreak I used to go to work by train regularly, and one of the rules a Dom set for me was that I could never sit down while on public transport, knowing I spent a couple of hours on trains every day. This was the perfect way to play with my head. Firstly it was a novelty, then it became dull and I resented such a stupid rule, it was then followed by a sense of 'this is what I do', and it gave me a feeling of being assured, as I was standing up because I wanted to serve him. This feeling of submission is a heady feeling of belonging.
The feeling of a chain around the neck, or when you meet in a public setting, they rest their foot on top of yours and begin the crush. Maybe the Dom will order your food and drink for you, maybe they will decide you won't eat, maybe you'll be carrying the Dom's bags for him afterwards. These subtle public plays are earthquakes in your world. These little aspects all help to colour in that picture of your power dynamic.
That is the strange and enduring feeling of being a sub: there are moments where you're together playing, and there are moments when you're apart but feel that you belong. In these strange times, it's important to add that there is often some kind of romance to this too: the Dom is proud that you are trying to please him, and you are proud that he chose to let you.
If you'd like to share your experiences of fetish and kink in a member article, please send your ideas or a first draft to: firstname.lastname@example.org