The dreaded Lockdown, it's been a few months, gyms are closed and the chance to date is pretty non-existent, you have the perfect excuse to hibernate, luxuriate and vegetate.
I don't class myself as lazy, but I do know I can snack, I can find reasons not to exercise and mould myself to a couch on a cold evening. I have found myself fortunate to get in contact with a past Alpha who has, for the last few weeks, become my Dom Physical Trainer (PT).
Now to play the disclaimer, I know this PT well and I know he has put himself through rigorous submission and really understands health and fitness principles thoroughly. In other words, he's walked the fitness walk and is completely trustworthy. There is nothing too outlandish in what has been asked of me, using tried and tested exercise and dietary advice and setting sensible goals to push me.
I know that one of the most misunderstood parts of BDSM is the discipline bit, it gets a bad rap sometimes because it can easily veer into abuse without clear communication or consent. However, in the right kink context a submissive sees punishment as both a threat and assurance, because the discipline part is about accountability to yourself and, most importantly, the Dom you're serving. In this situation I'm obeying the instructions of my friendly drill instructor and I have to commit with them to a plan to get fit.
There is definitely a militaristic tone to our messaging and frankly that's always going to play some part, because I have always had a soft spot for squaddies and the whole idea of military style discipline. There are loads of homoerotic narratives about bootcamps, hypermasculine men in highly polished boots and fit men with tightly shaved heads in combat gear. It's probably my first big kink and thankfully my PT knows this and plays into it as well. One of the things I did early on was buy some used army surplus shirts, which came to me delightfully musty, even after cleaning. The occasional smell as you're exercising plays some potent tricks with your head!
Having someone else give instruction is the big game changer, you can lie to yourself but with a trustworthy Dom, they will spot your BS from a mile off, and won't let you get away with anything which you would normally let pass. It feeds nicely into the boot camp narrative. Military training has simple principles - break down the trainee and build them up again, which is a great concept for a submissive journey. You're going to drop your ego; you're going to be moulded in someone else's image and you're going to be all the better for it.
For my specific routine there's a gradual increase in control to the PT, so it starts with a time to go to bed and a waking time, lights out and lights on. It sounds quite austere, as a full-grown adult, knowing that you have to go to bed and be up at specific times. The odd thing is, within about 2 days I realised I had scheduled a time to sleep, this new rule actually did wonders for me. Suddenly there is a time to sleep and relax, turn the phone off and you know you need to rest because first thing from waking up, you're working out. Discipline is much more of a gift than it might appear on first impression. I'm given morning exercises to do which gradually increase in volume and intensity, I log my food and exercise on an app, all the data goes straight to the PT. He looks at the work, the diet, the weight and then adds comments to refine things, sets goals and gives out abuse when I don't get with the programme. We all need the Dom who is 'not your friend' at times, the one that tells you home truths, confronts your attitude and if you screw up hands out a punishment or two - being honest, this is what really speaks to my inner submissiveness. This also means when the occasional bit of praise comes along you feel like you've earned it.
Punishment is a big thing for me, and the PT framed it that it would be used for failing to stick to the rules, indiscipline would not be tolerated. So, when I did not put the fitness app on my phone in time and when I had a late night, I had to face the consequences. I spent a long time filling an A4 sheet with neat lines, consecutively one after the other, in small handwriting to fill the sheet. I now know that I can write 'I will be more disciplined and not go back to my old ways' over 80 times on two sides of an A4 sheet! Both times my hand was sore, but I can't lie, the feeling of being made to do this absolutely set me off. We all need to feel humbled once in a while, and I reminded myself that I'd committed to this; if I screw up there has to be a price, otherwise, where's the fun in it?
At the start I made the point that I never really wanted to run outside, partly as I prefer gyms and partly because I never felt that particular enthusiasm for outdoor exercise, other than walking. The PT was not prepared to accept that, and, in fairness, I had not done it before. To not even attempt an easy jog for a 'Couch to 5K' programme, even to me, felt like stubbornness on my part.
We all draw lines for ourselves and when you think about it, they're not always rational, so a demanding Dom saying, 'You're running tomorrow, no more excuses', it's hard to say no to it and, at the very least, makes you consider trying new ways of challenging yourself. I know I would not have started running without this kind of push. The power of a good Dom is that they will make you better by helping you confront your barriers, if you are willing and honest enough to confront them. It's not just about playing around with a kinky concept; it's genuinely looking at changing your attitude.
A few weeks in and I have made mistakes, found times where I had to get over myself, push myself and at this week of writing there has been a series of runs at sub-zero temperatures. The challenge is very real, and when you have just done your personal best run in a cold blast, it does feel like even more of an achievement.
I couldn't have made the progress without the PT making me push myself that bit further, and in the process, it's helped me progress my mindset as a sub to be more disciplined and not return to bad habits.
So, if you're sitting here reading this thinking you could do more too, the chances are you're right, so gear up and get running out there, NOW!
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