"Are you pussy?" A question I'm sure most of us have heard before. Let's be honest, typically, it's out of the mouth of some source of coercion and/or playful (or maybe not so playful) bullying. And it's all fun and games until someone gets fucked! The second connotation of the is question is rooted in black gay ballroom culture. In Ballroom, you are likely to be judged in your category on how "pussy" you are. In this light, it's about how soft, graceful, & unbothered you are, or as Ru Paul would say, how much "Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent" you have. I think It's fair to say that the latter is a much more flattering perspective. But does It capture the essence of the Power of the Pocket? Hardly, I say.
Toxic heteronormative misogyny birthed the rhetoric of "Pussy" being somehow weaker or less than. Ballroom definitely gave It much more grace, but somehow you can still sense the breeze of misogyny, specifically because It, again, still attributes "Pussy" to being softer. Between the two, there is much left to be understood about the power of the divine feminine!
Lemme go ahead a shift the vernacular here… I'm sure the word "Pussy" may make some of you squirm. It was my powerful, non-binary, poly, leather queer fem dom mentee, Dame Sadie that introduced and educated me on this topic and caused me to look at the etymology of the word. In Old Norse (Scandinavian), Pussy carries the meaning "Pocket" or "Purse". From this we can assert that anything that can be developed into a Pocket, can be used as a Pussy and vice versa! So, from here on out we'll begin to unpack the Power of the Pocket.
Why must people who utilize their pocket(s) as receptors be seen as subservient, submissive, or in any way weaker or lesser than? None of the aforementioned are mutually exclusive. First, I believe this is a good place to clarify that bottoming (or being the receptor) is not synonymous with submitting or surrendering to someone outside of yourself. It took me a long time to unpack that concept. I had always felt that all the prep work, discipline, focus, breath work, commitment, and in some cases, masochism that comes with bottoming was reflective of my yearning to please someone else. When in all actuality, I have come to realize I enjoy the challenge and the rush of overcoming. It's for me. The "suffering" was/is for me; for my pleasure. It was for the gratification of knowing my body served me well. As a covered Sir in the Leather community of the sexually liberated rebels, why does It feel like my Dominance is challenged lest I hide that quarantine 2020 has been prime time pocket training season. I mitigated my spending habits by qualifying that I was patronizing small/community businesses during their toy sales. I mean come on, who's arguing with 50% off of an ultra-soft, high-grade silicone insertable! And there's nowhere to go! Let's get this work!
So boom, here we are. As I'm enjoying this exploration and appreciation of self; my thoughts get sidetracked with questions of how/if I should share this part of me. I would love to be able to experience the freedom and euphoria that I'm often so envious of my bottoms for. It's 2020 and I'm still carrying shame about how gloriously I can surrender to self and take some dick. Ironically, this work correlated with my spiritual and self-development work of Summer Quarantine 2020, which was inclusive of shadow work, inner child work, and honing my alignment in the Divine Feminine.
"What does that even mean…?", you ask? The Divine Feminine is more than likely not what you think! The Divine Feminine is POWERFUL! It is understanding that the Pocket has always been more resilient than the phallus! The Divine Feminine shows up as methodical, passionate, cerebral, empathic and with the ability to cause more chaos (both good and bad) than the Divine Masculine and with more grace. Which is probably why men find the need to assert control over It. This summer was a journey of me, learning that I can embrace both my Masculinity and Femininity in harmony with each other to foster the dynamic sexual deity that resides within. Still lost?
That means that after I've gained buy in (or consent), not only can I masterfully devastate the hole of a hungry, willing, and eager prey. This also means, I can skillfully tie you down to a chair and arouse you by flowing between my sensuality and sadism. Upon charming that member to full staff, I can ring It or tie It off after which I can then sit on It and edge It with my hole, through a series of ruined orgasms. Roughing you and Beating you in the chest, smacking you while you're restrained and unable to respond. Milking you and Feeding on your essence. Or maybe negotiating that If I ride It I get to pierce your nipple!
It means I get to gracefully and empathetically navigate, explore, and develop my bottoms pocket with the knowledge and appreciation from all the lived experienced I've gained in the development of my own. Understanding that the Divine Feminine trait of patience and temperance is what's needed to get that last bit of fist in. It also means I get to feel big and powerful, even as the receptor. I get to qualify my suitor with, "What do I get out of It?" After all, I do this for ME! I'm not a Top, not Vers, and not a Bottom. I am whatever I want to be TO whoever I want to be It to. I am a sexual deity. As a Leatherman, I foster "Sex Magic" creatively using all that is at my disposal.
Let's be honest… It takes grit and resilience to take some dick. It takes commitment and diligence to develop a pleasurable pocket. It takes knowing your body in ways some could never imagine. So, I'll end with this. Bottoming doesn't make you any less Dominant. If anything, It makes you a CHAMPION.