Race Bannon AKA member LoneWolfPig has been an organizer, writer, educator, speaker and activist in the LGBT, leather/kink, polyamory and HIV/STI prevention and treatment realms since 1973. In this article he talks about Chasity and the Locktober phenomenon.
Just in time for "Locktober" chastity appears to be rapidly growing in popularity. Whether it is the multitude of devices being advertised for sale or the steady drum of kinksters posting about being locked up or locking up another guy, restricting a man's access to his junk seems to be a hot trend.
Check out all the guys posting this month with the hashtag #Locktober on social media and Recon to signify being locked up during October. Damn, I love kinky men!
In the 1980s I owned a brass chastity device consisting of a thick, locking metal belt that held in place a relatively large brass cage that encased cock and balls once locked. It was bulky and crude compared to the devices available today. Yet again, I can joke with younger kinksters that "back in my younger days we had to (insert kink hardship of choice)" about chastity too. Progress marches on, evidently also with chastity.
So, I have dabbled with chastity for decades, but that changed nearly three years ago when I began playing more regularly with a man with whom I have been connecting periodically for a couple of decades. As we began to play more the power dynamic morphed into his submission to me. This was notable in part because historically this man has been well known within the leather, BDSM and kink world as a dom top. That man is SFHairyFuck on Recon and even though he is sub to me I asked his permission to use his screen name here.
As happens with many guys, he initially locked himself up, but his situation was unique, and I think demonstrates the amazing adaptability and creativity of us kinksters. He had been dealing with some health issues that made erections challenging, potentially a rough thing for someone with such a long history as a dom and top. But he embodied the axiom of "making lemonade out of lemons" and constructed a revised kink identity and narrative that embraced his physical challenge. He bought a hot chastity device that securely locked up his cock with the head of his cock protruding through the toothed mouth of a tiger's head, a visual that is stunningly sexy.
Locking up his cock became a physical manifestation of a mental journey he bravely undertook to create a new version of his erotic self. He still functions as a dom and top for BDSM, piss and certain kink, but has embraced being a sub fuckhole also as a core element of his sexual identity.
I remember when he and I went to the San Francisco Eagle bar one night. It was the first time he had publicly presented as a bottom, keys and navy-blue hanky on the right rather than the left. I saw his face light up as he was surrounded by a packed bar of men all seeing him signaling bottom and sub. He glowed with a sense of erotic accomplishment.
Every time a guy came up to us to talk, my buddy slipped into the conversation that I had his cock locked and was his dom. Someone asked to see his chastity device and he proudly pulled it out of his pants. The look of satisfaction on my buddy's face was positive proof that he had made a good decision with his new sub identity. He stood there in the bar, cock and locked device out and on display, as we casually talked to dozens of men throughout the night. It was a tipping point for him officially announcing to the world, and confirming for himself, that he was now a sub too.
He has been locked for two years and nine months. Except for cleanings or medical procedures, he always remains locked. I sleep with the key to his cock near my bedside.
Chastity is not for everyone. I have an amazing man permanently collared for nearly eight years now (Doctatts on Recon). When we are not together, he functions primarily as a top and dom in his day-to-day life. I choose to not lock up his rather substantial equipment because I like him able to fully enjoy his top and dom side. His switch nature turns me on. But with my locked-up sub, permanently locking him makes him thrive as a kinkster, and isn't that what we want for every guy in kinkland? To thrive. To grow. To revel in their sexuality. I sure hope so.
As I often do when writing, I asked friends on social media for feedback about chastity. The response was overwhelming, the most enthusiastic and voluminous response I have received from such a request. I need to write another article to utilize all the great feedback. Since I cannot do justice to the mountains of input I received from keyholders and device wearers, here are a few reasons they enjoy it so much, why it is popular, and how one might embark on this kink.
Among those locked up, some see it as a form of direct sexual satisfaction, but others see it as a symbol of submission to the keyholder, giving cock pleasure control to another. Many expressed an increasingly heightened eroticism each day they are locked. No two men see chastity the same. Some see it as one of many aspects to their play while others consider it central to their erotic life.
As for why chastity has become so popular, there are a variety of opinions. The Locktober phenomenon has certainly evangelized chastity. Better constructed devices of greater variety have helped. Stress relief in these crazy times was another conjecture as a motivation. Refocusing attention from one's cock to one's hole came up a lot. Reduction of stigma was mentioned as was the desire for objectification. Easy accessibility to the gear with a low bar for technical prowess may have catapulted chastity to greater popularity. Of course, imagery on the web and kink social media has helped too. The word "mindfuck" was often mentioned.
When asked for advice to give newcomers, people offered some great tips. It is no surprise communication was a big one. Where and with whom a key is held should be negotiated carefully. Most keep an emergency key around with some mentioning plastic devices can be easily broken in an emergency should one not want to keep a key around and be tempted to unlock.
Take it slow. Be ready to experiment. Be kind to yourself with realistic expectations, limits, and boundaries. Shop carefully and slowly for the right device. Match the device with the types of usage you envision. Sizing of devices is important to fit properly and comfortably, especially for long-term use.
Realize you may experience a wide variety of emotions when locked. If you are holding a key, check in regularly with the man locked up because their headspace can vary considerably. Those locked up should check with their keyholder too for the same reason. Keep devices and your cock and balls clean. You usually must unlock occasionally to do this properly. Keyholders need to be fully involved with the men they lock up to make it a complete experience. Of course, some guys lock themselves up and self-play likely accounts for most chastity. As always, get advice from those who have been down this road already.
Happy Locktober! If you are locked or holding a key, enjoy. If you are new to chastity, it is a fun kink to explore. If you have friends into chastity, ask them what turns them on about it. Perhaps you will find a new kink.