Size Matters: Cock Size and the Humiliation Kink
from
Recon News
06 November 2025
By NikeShoxBoy
I remember waiting for it to happen.
I'd seen enough porn, film, and TV to know that guys with bigger cocks seemed to get laid more. The bigger the dick, the more manly you were, the more respect you commanded, the better at sex you were, and the more privileged you were. It was a natural confidence booster. So, all throughout high school I waited. Even when my doctor told me that 5'9" (175 cm) was my height limit, I had hoped, prayed, and pleaded that my 5.5-inch cock would get bigger. (I would've settled for six inches and been happy). But that was not to be. On the topic of my average size cock, I would hear three cliché responses. One: it doesn't matter how big it is, it matters what you do with it. Two: you can't change it, get used to it. Three: Bottoms want bigger dicks.
Have I faced outright cold rejection based on my dick size? Yes. I've even chatted with guys online or in person who've told me their 6.5-incher was too small for bottoms. It got me thinking about guys with micro-dicks or cocks smaller than mine. I think there's a running parallel in urban gay scenes between body types and cock sizes. There's an L.A. or NYC standard about ideal body types which, outside of the urban centers, is hopefully risible. The "scene" is plagued with body dysmorphia. Granted, the rise of DIY adult content has brought different body types and dick sizes into the fray, which is very welcome. But that hasn't levelled the playing field to the extent I believe that it should.
Guys who are not well-endowed make up for it in different ways: hands, oral, strap-on, other toys, etc. For many people, that works, whether you're giving or receiving. For others, nothing beats a big, thick juicy cock…and whether you're a top or bottom, a big dick is essential for optimal gratification. I've read online about guys with six, even seven-inch cocks who opt for penile extension surgery just to gain a few extra centimeters or that final inch to make them a more desirable top just to meet an unrealistic cultural standard about body type and dick size. And I wonder… "Was the surgery a real success?"
My average physique and average cock have discouraged me from topping as much as I'd like. Over the years, I'd swipe left on potential bottoms, lie about being versatile and claim only to be a bottom…it's gotten to the point where I have no interest in topping at all, really. And when I do fantasize about topping, I always imagine I have a bigger cock. This is no one's fault but my own. I've internalized our culture's unrealistic body standards. It is assumed that the less muscular, shorter, and smaller you are, the more inclined you are to be a sub/bottom. It is assumed that true alpha dom tops are tall, muscular, and hung. This is a misnomer. It is interesting to conceptualize that chubs or bears, whose dicks are assumed to be hidden due to body fat, can be very hung. Muscular men with little body fat can have average-to-small cocks. Not to mention that guys with hung cocks may just have terrible penetrative rhythm and guys with average-to-small cocks can fuck better if they know how to. Stereotypes exist for a reason, but there are always exceptions.
I suppose I would like to have options. Meaning, it's not necessarily accurate that I am currently versatile, but I'd rather know there are guys out there who'd bottom for my average dick. I am generally a bottom; I am happy to bottom for guys with varying cock sizes. But the voices in my head telling me that my cock isn't worthy of topping still linger. The humiliation ate away at my self-worth. And in my sadness, I struggled to understand one very unique kink: SPH, or Small Penis Humiliation.
I have changed my mind about many fetishes over the years. But SPH? It took me a very long time to move the needle from hard limit to ambivalent to definitely curious. And what is so ironic about my struggle is my love of degradation. Call me whatever you want. Spank me. Trample me. Edge me. Make me spit-shine your sneakers or boots. But make fun of my dick? My mind goes straight to: 'did I deserve that?' 'Why are you being mean to me?' 'Thanks for making me feel less like a man.' I eventually realized it was because I was truly ashamed of my cock size and the clump of body fat that surrounds the base of my shaft. I paired that shame with the misconception that dom/tops with an SPH kink truly hate small dicks, when in reality, they love to humiliate them. If you're going to expend energy as a dom/top making fun of someone's small dick, I'd like to think it's because you appreciate it. And for the sub/bottom, that is arousing.
From the perspective of a dom/top, SPH is a power rush. It's an ego boost. It's part of the "size difference" category of kink/fetish. But what about from the perspective of a sub/bottom, like I am? As previously stated, it took me a while to warm-up to the idea.
It has long been suggested that kink and fetish, when engaged and executed properly, can be cathartic. There are several theories that attempt to explain why or how a certain fetish or kink manifests. It's not a stretch of the imagination to discern why one would self-shame or internalize shame from another about the size of one's penis, especially if it's small. Knowing that there are dom/tops out there who not only mind but also seek out or become aroused by sub/bottoms with smaller dicks allows the sub/bottom to see his cock as a proponent of, rather than as a deterrent to pleasure. Not only that, but there's also an opportunity for the sub/bottom to control the narrative. An SPH element allows the sub/bottom to dictate how he fantasizes the humiliation should play out. Should the dom/top become aroused by the smaller dick, this gives more power to the sub/bottom.
For me, personally (since my cock is average and not overtly small) perhaps the way I identify with SPH differs from those with microdicks. I do not have a "dicklet" or "nub," so to speak. Because my cock is average, it's unremarkable, in a sense. That's not to illicit pity, but simply to communicate that my cock doesn't fall in either category. Yes to very hung cocks, my cock is small(er). But on a scale, it's not small enough to be considered micro.
The way that I connect with SPH is through age play simulation. I like having my average cock degraded as that of a "boy." Even though I do not play as a boy, I like my cock to be treated and degraded as such, because it's humiliating to be in the body of a man with a dick the size of an adolescent boy. For example, if my dom/top were to say something like, "That little dick of yours looks like it didn't finish puberty along with the rest of you," or "look at that boy dick; I bet I can get it leaking just by showing you what a real man's dick looks like," that would arouse me.
It should be noted that not everyone who is aroused by or seeks out guys with smaller dicks has an SPH kink. And not every guy with an average-to-small cock has an SPH kink either. Cock size, for many, is simply irrelevant.
But there is one underlying question to be asked. If there is SPH, does BPH exist, too? That is, Big Penis Humiliation. I think so. Even though the rule is: the bigger the dick, the more praise one receives. From a dom/bottom's perspective, however, the idea of figuring out how to humiliate a man with a hung cock is intriguing and arousing.
Chastity is what comes to mind first. Finding a big cage to swallow a guy's hung cock whole and make fun of him that his big dick is useless and therefore has no just cause to dominate me anymore? Hot! Another combines SPH and BPH. From the hung guy's perspective, he may enjoy the psychosexual thrill of being topped by a guy with an average-to-small dick. Instead of humiliating his partner, he's instead idolizing or praising the little nub, and he directs the humiliation back towards himself for getting off on being topped by a little cock.
With that being said, while society typically does praise bigger dicks, does society praise larger cocks? Meaning, what if one's dick is too big? For many bottoms who like a challenge or who have a fetish for "horsecocks" - being able to ride a large cock and stretch one's hole is exciting. But many bottoms have limits. For some, their ideal range is 6-7 inches. For others? Anything above 9 inches is a limit. I imagine a man with a very large cock may have been told he's too big and therefore his cock isn't appealing because he could hurt his partner. I've also thought about the idea that when a man's cock is too big, he has no control over it. Similarly with a man and his microdick, where there's "nothing" to work with, or a man with a horsecock that has "too much" to work with, and it becomes overwhelming. It's like his hung cock has a mind of its own and it does what it wants on its own accord. Meaning, it's too big and doesn't function properly. I'd like to think there are hung men out there with a submissive streak who get off on having a smaller man humiliate their big cocks.
I personally hope this article encourages debate and discussion, especially for those who are perhaps shaming themselves for their dick size, whether because it's too small, too big, or just average. Remember: it's your cock. The relationship you choose to have with it is the only one that matters. Don't let anyone else negatively influence your feelings about your cock. If anything, SPH and BPH exist because at the root of humiliation is appreciation.
***If you'd like to share a fetish or kink experience in a member article, send your ideas or a first draft to: social@recon.com
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