MEMBER ARTICLE: Becoming freak

MEMBER ARTICLE: Becoming freak

from Recon News

14 April 2021

By tormentedfreak

In November 2019 I let a friend of mine persuade me to drag myself away from work and go to Subline, the (now sadly defunct) fetish bar in Brighton. It was my first time in a fetish bar in eight years. Back in the day I had been a fairly familiar face in some of London's finest fetish clubs and sleaze-pits, but a decade of work and other pressures had left me almost entirely out of touch with my kink side. My sleaze heyday was pretty much pre-social media – my Recon profile dates from before Recon was Recon! So, over the years I'd lost touch with most of my old fetish friends, and emerging social media showed new friendship groups developing that once upon a time I would have been a firm part of, and very much missed.

So, after months of nagging, inflateacub managed to persuade me for a quiet night out, largely on the promise of getting a go inside his giant inflatable suit. We were at the club early, and it was pretty quiet. A small handful of curious guys watched as I clambered into the suit and was slowly inflated, bigger and bigger, until I could barely move. The club started to get busier, and I stood there rather shy and awkward as inflateacub polished me up. I suggested he put my hood on me – a sheath hood with pepper pot eyes. And almost instantly freak was born.

freak stood there, transformed and anonymised. An object of bemusement to most, of curiosity to some, and fascination to a few. One guy asked if he was allowed to touch. A hand prodding the rubber, stroking freak's head, probing freak's rubberised mouth. And it all came flooding back. freak remembered that he's fucking good at this! Kink, sleaze, fetish – fundamental parts of freak's identity, and something that freak couldn't do without.

freak decided he needed a refresh of his life. he had his septum and ears pierced, started an Instagram – which he found himself enjoying rather more than he expected – and he decided to start using Recon for socialising rather than cruising. freak started clearing out years and years of 'favourites', pinging the odd cruise here and there to the hottest guys and guys he didn't want to lose touch with. And RubberBikerBoss pinged back.

Now, those who know Boss (and there plenty who do) know that Boss has a certain way about him. freak complained that he was bored of the hunt and wanted to focus on making a connection with someone and needed to acknowledge how important kink was – but that freak's work and home life made that difficult. And gently, gently Boss led freak to realise that wearing a chastity device would be an excellent way of expressing covert submission and scratching that itch. So, less than a fortnight later, despite never having had more than a passing thought about chastity, freak found himself wearing a cage, and then less than two months later was locked in a steel chastity belt very kindly loaned by Boss's good friend Jayge1951.

The belt became a very tangible yet (relatively) discreet and entirely permanent reminder of freak's nature. freak realised he was living – in a small but significant way – a 24/7 fetish lifestyle, something he never thought he'd be able to achieve. As anyone who's spent any time in chastity will know, it has this slightly peculiar effect of making one VERY compliant. Whilst Boss was only freak's keyholder, freak began submitting twice daily videos, and other submissions as and when. Boss thought it would be fun to set freak up with a play session with an incredibly hot rubbersub. Having been totally versatile for twenty-odd years, freak packed a double-ender, but presumed that freak would simply slip back into vers mode. One locked, very hot and seriously good fun session later, and freak came to another realisation – that though it had been great sex, it had been very much two subs playing together. Years of being focussed on the other guy's pleasure suddenly made sense. freak loved to fuck and fist – but the goal had always been to get the other guy's rocks off rather than freak's. freak was in fact a true sub. Not only was freak uninterested in his own pleasure, but freak actually got off on doing things he didn't enjoy if it pleasured his partner. Boss's partner pointed out that freak was in fact not an identity but a function. freak was no longer a 'he' but an 'it'.

And then Covid hit. And freak became tormentedfreak

There's an unsurpassed level of irony in discovering your true nature and being able to do absolutely nothing about it. Despite much (MUCH) begging, Boss was clear that He had no intention of being anything more than freak's keyholder. But, during the months of lockdown, Boss gradually drilled a little discipline into freaks head. freak was the typical queer kid at school – years of bullying left freak with deeply ingrained self-esteem issues. In its 'real' life, compliments made freak awkward and uncomfortable. But when guys complimented freak, freak found it could accept them. Yes, freak is a hot freak! Boss rated freak's submission as exceptional, and as freak got freakier it found that fewer and fewer Men were into it – but those that were, were REALLY into freak!

And then Boss decided that He should give freak away to someone who would take freak further than Boss could – or would.

freak was devastated. freak harboured fantasies of total ownership, but Boss was clear that He wanted to focus on His partner, and that if they were going to take on a sub then it would be an uncomplicated sub – something freak most definitely isn't. A number of potential new owners were considered, but none panned out. Until freak realised that chat with a hot Scottish skinhead had turned from chat to submission, and Boss decided that He was the one.

So, in November of 2020, after precisely a year locked by Boss, freak was given to Chief. A hot, sadistic, controlling Top who decided He wanted to turn freak into an inked, pierced, musclefreak. And who's in Scotland. In a pandemic. So freak was required to focus on its physical transformation – and, it turned out, a mental transformation too. Chief was clear that He wanted to own an alpha – a sub with physical presence (Chief is 6'5" and freak 6'4") who He could use to put bratty subs in their place, but who would instantly switch and give Him total submission. And, with the peculiar way that these things sometime happen, two subs came along at just the right time. So, freak finds itself as an owned total sub that owns two subs of its own. freak is exceptionally proud to control Coolrubber69 and TattooSussex – two very different, yet extremely well-matched subs.

And so freak awaits the easing of the pandemic perhaps even more anxiously than most. A year of radical transformation and intense submission needs to turn into concrete service and use. For if, like the tree that falls in the woods with no one to hear it, is a sub who isn't used really a sub?! It has been a challengingly emotional ride – totally revaluating your sexual identity doesn't necessarily come easy. But in a year of incredible stress and pressure dealing with work and death, submission was a constant, an anchor that steadied freak in the turmoil. So, freak will always love Boss as the Man who created freak, but now freak loves Chief as the Man who will make freak the best freak it can be. As we begin to see a glimmer of hope at the end of the Covid tunnel, freak feels that it has more to look forward to than most…

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