As a Sadist, I get off on inflicting pain on others. I like humiliating them, degrading them. It makes my dick hard. The more they are distressed and the more vocal they are about that distress, the more I like it. I am an emotional vampire: a Sadist seeking out Masochists, testing the limits of pain and endurance so that I can be sustained by their psychic energy.
Unlike a real vampire, though, we have to start with a negotiation. The boy needs to know what he is getting himself into. We discuss all of the things I plan to do and I reassure him that NOTHING in the scene will happen without his consent. Maybe a few things get taken off the list, or moved to a later date. We address how he can communicate his desires and how we can check in. As I slowly stroke his skin, I say that I will ask him how he is doing, and if he says GREEN, that means everything is just fine. I rub his nipples lightly and notice his breath quicken just a bit, as I tell him that if he says YELLOW, he wants me to slow down a bit. Then, with more pressure, just enough to cause him to wince slightly, I say that RED means he wants to take a break, and that break can be for as long as he likes. Then, with one last hard squeeze, I grab his ass and whisper in his ear that PURPLE means he wants to end the scene immediately.
But, but what if I can't speak, he asks hesitantly. After I playfully chide him for reading ahead in the text, I assure him that we will go from words to taps with fingers, hands, or feet. One tap for GREEN, up to four taps for PURPLE. My body never more than a centimeter from his, I promise him that there is no way I will so fully restrain or immobilize him that he will not be able to communicate. I tell him that it is important to understand that HE is in charge, ultimately, of what happens to his body and he can have me stop at any time. And so, he relaxes fully, but I also notice that he is fully aroused. My touch, the nearness of our bodies, my words, our negotiation, his consent; everything is in place. I ask him if is he ready, does he still want to do this? He gives me the one word I have been waiting for…
A good scene with me begins with a spider gag as a foundational humiliation. It's deceptively simple at first, as the boy's mouth is held open by the metal bars and the strap tightened to a degree just short of uncomfortable. Slowly the realization dawns that he has no control over his mouth. The scene begins.
I usually start by offering the sub his choice of instruments from my Wall of Pain, which displays all my impact instruments. Will it be the cane or paddle? If we have not played before, and my reputation preceded me, they usually choose the one they think will hurt less. I never select the one they chose. If we have played before and they know the drill, they will Assume the Position: kneel in submission, ass up, forehead touching the floor, awaiting instructions. Regardless of the choice, a few minutes into the scene and he is drooling uncontrollably, especially if the play is intense (it is). The sub usually wants out of the gag at some point, and of course I oblige… for a price. Life is full of choices and predicaments, but that is the subject for another day.
The sadistic thrill of caning is watching and participating in the sub's journey of endurance as he willfully overcomes the signals his body sends. Whether the sub is a novice or well-trained, he always flinches as the sharp pain hits him the first few times. I don't use restraints often, because where's the fun in that? It's more entertaining for me if the sub willingly stays in one place and doesn't move because I SAY SO, not because he is prevented from moving by ropes, or cuffs, or cling wrap. I also like to strike unexpected parts of the body, to throw the sub off balance and move the scene to a new, unexpected level.
Why cane just the buttocks when the sub has a perfectly good inside thigh? You've heard of CBT, but have you ever caned a taint or an asshole before? He may be able to endure repeated strikes to his upper back, but if you cane his feet (bastinado), he will be writhing in agony in short order. All of these new and unexpected sensations ramp up the energy of the scene.
I love spanking even more than caning because of the intimacy involved. You have to be in someone's personal space to spank them. You are touching them in intimate places and intimate ways. Maybe you are fingering them while spanking them or tweaking their nipples. As I spank a sub I can see the skin begin to change color and texture. When I touch him, I can feel the heat rising. I can brush my fingertips and the palms of my hand over his skin to raise the gooseflesh and heighten his sensation, lulling him through an interlude that ends as I grab him around the base of his dick and balls and SQUEEZE. His gasp of surprise is music to my ears. Now it's time for the next level of fun.
The caning? The spanking? Those activities were just means to the end, in the same way that the fun of playing with nipple clamps is what you do when you take them off. There are so many fun things you can do with a body that has been put through its paces. If his feet are ticklish, the sensation is magnified after a bastinado session. The lightest touch on a caned back or paddled backside can be an exquisite agony. A river of rubbing alcohol across freshly raised welts is torture. We all know how much fun playing in an abused asshole can be! Together the sub and I can ride waves of sensations, exchanging energy as we move in and out of these activities in various combinations. Eventually though, the scene has to end and the aftercare provides one last opportunity for energy exchange as we both come down from the high of play.
Much of the conversation around aftercare rightly focuses on the sub, given what they have been through. As a Sadist, my aftercare needs revolve around getting rid of the excess emotional energy that I've accumulated during the scene, and just physically catching my breath. Cuddling is a mutually beneficial way of accomplishing both of those goals.
I used to worry that my preferred styles of play were signs that I had some anger issues. Maybe I needed therapy. As I got deeper into the community I discovered that there were others like me. Men and women who liked inflicting pain, humiliating people. Sadists who got off on the exchange of emotional energy. This does not mean I am angry at or out to harm my play partners. I am not a serial killer in the making, perfecting my modus operandi under the guise of play. Everyone I cane or spank wants to be there. Every hole I stretch begs for more. Even as I am getting off on their moans, screams, and even tears, my play partner is getting off as well, not just on the physical sensations of whatever is being done to them but also getting off by offering that psychic energy to me. Power exchange is one hell of a drug!
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