PARTNERS IN KINK: Brew Hunter - Dynamics and differences
24 February 2021
Brew has been an uninhibited and committed member of the British Leather Scene since the age of 18. Now, as a high-end Leather Master and SM Dom, he is a passionate believer in the power and ability of our Leather & Fetish Community to create an influential, robust and intoxicating fellowship, which now has the ability to embrace all ages, strengths and experiences.
Brew Hunter created MASTERY as an event that would recreate the heady principles and power of the Early Days of the classic Leather Scene, unifying the rules, respect and ethics of the 'Old Guard' ways with the new and ground-breaking 'VanGuard' 21st century ways of XX Leather, Rubber, pup/K9, Dominance, Discipline, S/Moke, SubMission and Hard Play. In this piece Brew explores the dynamics and differences between Dom/sub, Master/slave and Dad/boy
Dom/sub, Master/slave, Dad/boy – so many intriguing differences; so many fascinating individual journeys; all those roads less travelled, and all those BDSM byways desperately waiting to be explored!
As a Leather/Fetish SM Dom, I am engaged in all three of these dynamics, and will speak here from My viewpoint of Dom/Master/Dad - and I can guarantee that every single sub/slave/boy can bring something extra-special, and truly individual to the MaleSex experience.
By far the most important concept to acknowledge, in setting out in a discussion like this, is that INDIVIDUALITY is key; individual mindset, individual temperament and circumstances, plus self-identity, are what create these three different orientations; the similarities being that all are mostly (for the sake of this discussion) submissives; the differences being what each person needs, wants or can offer from the sexual dynamic or role.
BTW - the word 'role' needs to be approached with caution. The word often implies 'theatre' or 'play', and although this is obviously an enormous part of sexuality, where 'roleplaying' can be introduced with varied, wide-ranging experiences and fun scenarios, I will try to avoid the word 'role' here, as I sincerely believe that many people are now digging deeper into their sexual depths and psyches, and crave to accept the true reality that exists there - without shame, fear or embarrassment.
I will also state briefly that age is immaterial in any of these dynamics. A 'boy' can be older than his 'Dad'. A 'Master' can be younger than His 'slave'.
One other huge similarity is that each position should bring pride, hard work, focus and enthusiasm to every situation. Each should, indeed must, serve/obey his/its Dom/Master/Dad with full attention, energy and eagerness (which should always be reciprocated, of course, to achieve the best results in training).
So – here are MY personal definitions and suggestions about these sub/slave/boy nomenclatures. Obviously, many of you may have different and equally valid ideas, but I offer these to you with the Leather and SM experience that I have had over the years.
Let us start by acknowledging the base line of Mansex: Top/bottom. This (usually 'vanilla') dynamic does not necessarily involve a strong 'Power Exchange', as sexually there is a 50/50 equality in enjoying the act.
A sub (submissive) is a fairly general term encompassing a boy/man who not only takes the 'bottom' role in sex, but who acknowledges the authority of the Top, either in an acknowledged relationship, a private 'scene' or in public (a Fetish club etc). Here Power Exchange begins to enter the dynamic. The sub will accede to the requirements and demands of his Dom – from a possibly fairly relaxed sexual situation, moving on to (and depending on the heavy play abilities of the pair) bootlicking, cocksucking, fucking, fisting, piss, flogging etc. The sub may be collared and led around on a chain, the sub may be gagged, blindfolded, plugged… everything will depend on how comfortable or demanding the sub/Dom pair are with the mutual dynamic, and (importantly) what has been discussed in advance with limits – physical, moral and emotional.
(Vers (versatile) situations and partnerships may interchange, and slip smoothly and happily from Dom to sub, depending on changing feelings and inclinations.)
Submission (physically, sexually and mentally) comes extremely naturally to some. Others know they want, even crave, it – but have embarrassment, emotional barriers or emotional histories that may be trigged either sexually, physically (flogging, whipping) or with humiliation (piss, ashtray, bootlicking, boot-rest). This is why a pre-talk or discussion is always advisable (including a 'stop' or 'safe' word) if the situation and the sex is to develop into anything further than the very bootlicking basics of submission. (NOT that the essential skill of bootlicking is ultimately basic!!)
Note that the sub – in this situation – may have some rudimentary say in the upcoming dynamic. It is important that this dynamic is in place, as neither Dom nor sub will want to be frustrated if the sexual situation creates moments that are unwelcome, and which break the vibe of the scene.
So, a sub can serve in a spectrum of ways, and can either be very relaxed or very heavy in his submission. Publicly, a sub may be allowed 'time out' to drink, chat to friends or go to the toilet. At the end of the night, a sub can look back at some hours well spent, and move mentally onto the next thing in his daily agenda.
A slave, however, has a completely different mindset. A true slave will have sought and discovered, deep within, its slave 'soul' – and this means a complete submission, capitulation and surrender to its Master and recognised and acknowledged Superior.
A slave may have gone through a long journey in exploring submission, examining its personal thoughts, needs and wants, finally to discover the absolute acknowledgement that a collared neck, a bent knee, a bowed head and a locked chastity cock cage, with no chance of erection or cumming 24/7/365, is what it was born to be.
I encourage every slave to accept this acknowledgement with pride and strength.
Every Master/slave dynamic is different, and many may not indeed be sexual. Some Masters will lock their slaves in dungeons and cages, leaving them to soil themselves for the amusement of The Master and for the humiliation of the slave; some will use the slave as whip- or flog-meat; some will demand house duties – cooking, cleaning – and often naked, sometimes to the extremes of licking the toilet bowl clean; some will order sissyfication (a 'French Maid' may double sissyfucking with house and dinner duties); some Masters will use Their slave merely as a complete sex cum object, demanding relentless use of every hole whenever wanted.
Some Masters, indeed, may demand ALL of the above.
slaves must always expect to be used as urinals, ashtrays, boot-rests, ass wipes, and if BDSM has been specified and agreed in the original contract – it will and must, accept flogging and whipping, plus any more tortures that its Master may deem necessary.
(BTW, note that in writing about a slave, is it usual to use the lower case for 'the/a slave', and to refer the slave as 'it'.)
FYI – a Google search of 'slave contract' will provide an interesting variety of contracts that can be adapted to suit every taste, and there is an online slave Registery.
A good Master will ALWAYS work His slave hard, and push its limits, not only so that the slave is always developing its slave soul and XX maso abilities, but so it can always give more pleasure to its Master in His sadistic enjoyment.
But - do not think that a slave should merely be a blank receptive vessel in all these situations (unless ordered to be such by their Master). The best slaves crave every challenge; the reason for their existence is to please and satisfy their Masters, and the stripes and burns and bruises are badges of their pride. their bodies are always primed and ready to serve with strength and purpose and enthusiasm. a visibly motivated and well-trained slave on a Master's chain is an object of admiration from others.
Please note that a slave should never, ever, expect or begin any discussion or interaction with its Master, unless instigated by its Superior.
My personal owned slave has been trained with a number of hand signs, so that I need not interrupt My drink, cigar or conversation with fellow LeatherMen in public or in private. These signs include "lick boot", "drink piss", "fetch drink", "bend over to fuck/ fist", "suck dick", "eat ass" etc.
the slave also knows in public and in private that I require it to be alert and focused at all times. I loathe 'empty' time, so the slave (unless I order it otherwise) will ALWAYS quietly work My boots or cock diligently and unasked, and for as long as I require it to. it will serve another Master, too, at My command, if I order it to.
(BTW, it goes without saying that every slave/sub should ALWAYS be anally cleaned out to the Nth degree at all times for its/his Master/Dom).
I demand a completely clean cunt to fuck, finger, fist and even to flavour My cigar with My slave's cunt juice.
A Master will have given His slave His Protocol rules, at the start of ownership and registering, which must always be adhered to, and the Master always remains in charge of the keys to His slave's neck chain and cockcage.
Different Masters demand different Protocols – there are Old School/New School Masters; Old Guard/Vanguard Masters. None are 'wrong', and each have different rules. Every slave is different in its abilities and limits, and a Master has a responsibility to discover, gauge and work to stretch those, as indeed every Dom should try with a regular sub.
So, finally, let's talk about a 'boy'.
More than anything else, this implies a state of 'mentorship'. It may be a sexual relationship, or it may be a friendship, where the boy may be a Top, and looks to his 'Dad' for guidance, protocol, advice on leather, sex, SM etc, and an introduction to the scene. In My rules, a Top Boy will, however, always bottom for His Dad when demanded, as he learns how a Top should treat a sub.
If the boy is a bottom, the relationship is definitely a more relaxed one that of sub or slave. (Remember that 'bottoming' is NOT necessarily submission). The Dad always has the last word in a sexual foray, but discussion is much more on the cards. A Dad may encourage his boy, giving him free rein in a club or event to 'play' with others (under the watchful eye of his Dad), and may allow him to join in with various sexual situations with his Dad and others.
In a strong Dad/boy relationship, versatility may occur in a Top/Top situation. A Dad will also teach cigar smoking, smart dressing and how to wield a flogger and whip, as well as the safety and rules of fisting.
So… Sub/slave/boy? Dom/Master/Dad? There are so many angles and approaches to this discussion of dynamics and differences that we can really only lay out the very basics of each label. Sexual Power Exchange is dynamic and fluid, both physically and mentally, and remember that the best sex organ is the brain. Use THAT to explore the excitements that lie ahead!
I always sum up in My Mastery Classes by saying: "Labels are for cans". They're only a starting point, and it's up to YOU to create your own dynamic or difference; to create your own totally individual and unique - label! Why not create something NEW? Enjoy.