from Recon News

06 March 2020

By Team Recon Member Skully

I remember the first boyfriend I ever had telling me about his multiple partners, and the feeling of being both fascinated and jealous. Not jealous in the way most people would be, but rather jealous that I hadn't been there to witness it first-hand.

Cuckolding, if you don't know what it is, is a sexual fantasy in which a person is humiliated and/or aroused by the idea of their partner being fucked (or being played with) by another person.

There are a few reasons cuckolding is a particular fetish to me; in the most basic terms I enjoy seeing my partner getting pleasured by someone else. However, there are multiple reasons why It is a turn on, that expand on not just sexual kinks but also society's expectations of monogamy.

Social values teach us that a 'healthy' relationship should stay in the confines of a couple, any anything sexual outside that should be revered with shock, anger and jealousy. What if you don't subscribe to the ideology of monogamy? As a queer man, I discovered and was encouraged by peers to carve out what my relationships should look like and be outside a heteronormative set up.

Cuckolding to me feels like an empowered move in owning my sexuality and having a deeper understanding and self-awareness of my own insecurities and jealousy around intimacy and sex. It also comes from an awareness that different people provide different sexual experiences and cuckolding provides a framework in which I (and my partner) can indulge in these and feel part of the experience. I can understand the sexual excitement of humiliation around cuckolding and can get into that headspace at times and enjoy it, but never be on a detrimental level.

The questions I always get around cuckolding is about Jealousy. Jealousy is an umbrella term for a whole range of different emotions that often have negative connotations attached to them. The physical side of jealousy can get your adrenaline pumping, the primitive feeling of a threat takes precedent and the flight or fight mentality and testosterone levels start to spike. What I've learnt when it comes to sexual jealousy is to be aware of where this comes from and why and use this as positive.

I think everyone would agree a sign of any healthy relationship is communication, and the ability to be open to your partner about the sexual side of your relationship. Jealousy is a huge factor in why couples only play with each other. Jealousy is a valid emotion but talking to your partner about where that jealousy comes from and why you are jealous, opens up a good communication channel and provides reassurance in knowing where your partner is at mentally.

What separates cuckolding from other types of play with other partners are the different layers, connotations and levels it can work on. A good threesome often relies on good communication either before and/or during - unless you have one of those unexpected good ones in which it just clicks. All mutual parties are involved and there is much more to cuckolding then the iconic image of the partner hiding in a wardrobe having a wank and feeling worthless.

I have friends who enjoy the anticipation of waiting for their turn after another guy has finished, and a friend who enjoys the sexual humiliation of not being involved and forced to sit there while his husband tells him how much better the other guy is.
Cuckolding like all types of fetish is about headspace, each party involved may get something different out of the experience.

Personally, seeing my partner get fucked by someone else makes me want them even more, I've often thought whether this comes from a place of misplaced jealousy, or from a Neanderthal mentality of ownership - and I think that for a few people maybe it does. For me it' simply the feeling and confirmation of trust and safety within the relationship and the happy feeling my partner is being pleasured.

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