Eight years ago, when I was first joining the kink world, with only a small following on Tumblr, I quickly found many new kinks flowing into my impressionable mind. Almost as quickly, seasoned kinksters jumped out to tell me "fantasy is better than reality".
Most of the time that old adage holds true. Many hot things we all think of, we already know they wouldn't be fun in real life, so they stay in the catacombs of our kinky minds. For some things, though, its outright untrue, and I feel that, until recently, it held me back.
I built up this unhealthy fear of some of my kinks. This meant that when I met people who had tried these kinks, those who would allow me to explore them in a safe space, I not only refused, but I saw those people differently for having tried them. It's weird how I now look back at this version of myself with almost a degree of hatred.
Not long ago, I decided I would try a big kink of mine, that had until this point sat back in the deepest parts of my mind. Despite the number of times I had thought about it during my periods of 'self-reflection', I had never tried it. I was aware that what was mostly holding me back were the logistics of the session. Either way, I had decided now would be the time, and that was that.
Luckily, I find myself to be fairly switchy most of the time, which means I can try these experiences before I subject anyone else to them - this is normally a pretty good filter. So, I set about designing how this session would play out, making it much easier for the dom to execute my fantasy and boy did it go exactly as I had planned it.
For all those who find themselves curious about what this fantasy was, it was to be force fed - don't kink shame me too hard, now. To this day, I don't really know where the idea came from, but I think it might be to do with the large number of comic drawings that featured similar acts from my Tumblr days. I think, like most things, it was the control element, and I expected it would feel as amazing as I imagined. Regardless, it was in my head and I couldn't shift it, so why not try, right? For most, this seems to manifest itself as a funnel gag, sometimes with piss, but this wasn't my fantasy, and what's the point in realising the kink, without the specific fantasy? Well for me, this involved a lot of setup, and ended up taking about 3 months. No fun.
The fantasy plays out a bit like medical fetish. So, tied down, strapped - if possible - gag in mouth, no way to stop a near constant feed into my mouth from a machine. To achieve this, I would obviously need to make some kind of custom feeding machine, which at the time I figured would be easy. As mentioned above, it wasn't, and over a few different designs I finally had one that worked. Over the design process I tried a few different styles of pumps, but it took me a while to find the perfect one for the job. The solution was a peristaltic pump. Its designed to be attached directly to the feed pipe and rolls right over the pipe itself, moving the fluid inside. The great thing that I never expected was that the pressure this pump can create meant that the sub could never stop the flow, as pressure would just build. Once I had the pump sorted it was electronic time. I programmed an Arduino to do the audio switching for me. this process was fairly easy, but I'm happy to share the simple code with anyone looking to make their own.
So, the day had come, and it was time I did too, after all this work! So, the dom strapped me down, installed the gag and filled up my custom machine with baby food, and off it went. During the design process I had decided constant feeding wasn't a great idea, so I went for automated feeding. This meant programming a microcontroller to turn on the pump for random intervals. As the machine pumped and I laid there unable to do anything about it, I couldn't help but take a little moment to think "Damn, this is actually amazing", and it was! The first moment I could see fluid making its way down the pipe towards me, knowing nothing I could do would stop it, that was the moment. Blood pumping, my heart racing, for the first time in a long time, I was actually super excited in bondage. It was one of the most thrilling sessions of my whole life. I left that session with a whole new respect for my kinky mind - he sure knows what he wants!
Although since that session I haven't done force feeding again, I now have a completely new outlook on life. Far more willing to try new things and listen to those around me. Hey, your kink might not be for me, but I really want to know about it now, just to learn as much as I can and find more experiences like that.
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