I hesitated a long time over whether I should write an article for Recon, but I have things to say, and my friends encouraged me to go ahead. This very peculiar period we are going through is an opportunity for introspection, so… here goes!
My name is Ekko, I'm 19 years old and I live in France, where people are also on lockdown. I would like to express my views on something that is particularly important these days: positivity and kindness. At present, being positive has never been more important, although I do realise it is difficult, considering the current news and the fact that our countries are on lockdown - in quite extreme ways for some of them. It is even more difficult if we know people who are vulnerable, who have contracted the virus, or worse: if they are suffering from the consequences of the crisis. But remaining positive is crucial. And why is that?
First of all, for hypochondriacs (like me) and for all the others: being vigorous and in a happy mood boosts the immune system. Also, being positive makes everyday life for oneself and for others more enjoyable. Would you like it if your life partner were permanently sulky or depressed? I doubt it very much! We are all on the same boat, although we are not equal when it comes to the conditions of the lockdown. Some of us live in big houses with big gardens and others live in 9 sq. m. student rooms, which is the case for some of my friends. We are not responsible for the current situation, so why are we wasting our energy in being grouchy? It doesn't change a thing, and the virus doesn't care anyway. But being positive will help us face the situation, and it brings more serenity to our lives.
Being positive also means being kind. Kind to yourself and to others. Kindness can be observed through actions of citizens such as staying at home and respecting the rules and measures in place. Kindness is people cheering and clapping behind their windows - it gives positivity to the medical teams! Do you see the virtuous circle? Positivity spreads like pollen, and this is why kindness is contagious, even more than the virus is.
Some of my friends (such as my dear Master, to whom I send my loving affection) describe me as a kind person, and this makes me happy since I make sure to show kindness every single day. I'm also kind when it comes to fetish play. Bondage is my thing. I think that even when it comes to BDSM and the codes within the community, which are different than the codes of society, we need to keep the same values as the ones we use in everyday life.
Sometimes, people seem to forget the elementary values of respect. After all, we are human, we are creatures of conscience in all situations. This means that we all have our flaws and our habits, which can either be good or bad. Nevertheless, we should make sure that this current situation remains bearable for everyone and that we all respect each other. And BDSM is no exception to this.
Being kind also means keeping values of respect towards others, at all times, even if these values are altered by S&M roleplay. When the play is over, the human connections take place, and the domination/submission/puppy relations and whatnot just stop. Being super serious at all costs and acting like an Alpha Male or a supreme Dom on a permanent basis leads absolutely nowehere, not only because it has no value outside of kink, but also because it can simply be inappropriate, unbearable even, for many people. We're human beings and we can't be pups or Alpha or Masters 24 hours a day. We need timeouts, we need to stop the games.
Finally, I am often accused of trying to save the world regardless of the fact that it has been the way it is for years and years. But I know that I am not the only one: many of us have noticed that there's a certain type of people who do not show any respect and are obsessed with competing with each other. Are we supposed to watch and do nothing? In spite of my young age, I encourage the community to think about this.
When you're with your playmate and you're not in action, do you behave the same way with him as you do with a good friend, or anyone that is close to you? Obviously, you're not going to behave the same way as when you're with your nan - this would be plain weird. But when you're not at play, does your behaviour stay the same? As far as I am concerned, the answer is no. And this made me reflect a little bit.
First of all, my relationships with my playmates are purely sexual, so there's no emotional component between us. Secondly, the gay scene has a sort of 'consumers of sex' mentality: guys meet, fuck and leave, and more often than not, they never talk to, or see each other again. Is this really representative of good human behaviour? In a more specific way, when it comes to BDSM and kink, my feeling is that there is quite a lot of hypocrisy. Of course, when we see men that we don't fancy, we don't play with them, simple. But why on earth do we feel the need to criticise them behind their backs, sometimes without even knowing them? I know that when a guy is dangerous, we just steer clear from him. But then again: if men don't talk to each other, and if no one talks to that said guy, how is he supposed to know he has a problem?
Kindness is to 'live and let live'. It's important to know how to live together, how to let each other be, and not to beat one another to the ground. To be respectul towards others and not to hurt anyone.
I know you're thinking that you don't need a lecture from a 19 year old. I get it. However, I didn't create the problem – I am only trying to make things better. The problem does not come from the people who reproach me for wanting better things either. Instead, its root lies in the fact that people behave in antisocial ways and that they have forgotten about good manners, but they won't admit it because they think they know everything. And so long as these people exist, there's always going to be someone ready to stab you in the back, even if they don't know you. I say that instead of following this path, the world would be a better place if we all showed a little more kindness.
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