MEMBER OPINION: The Reality vs Fantasy of Submission
11 January 2022
I read lots of pieces on Recon that sometimes fascinate me, sometimes make me smile, and then sometimes terrify me.
So, who am I, and why am I writing this?
30 years ago (ish) like many of us, I found myself naturally drawn to this wonderful world of Fetish and BDSM. Vanilla just left me cold. Even a great orgasm could not satisfy my true, and darkest needs. Sadism came very easily to me and hearing a guy whimper made me very hard and horny. Again, like most of us, it took me a long time to find guys who were a true match, and even then, they often oversold themselves, or were closet vanilla.
I met a leather master when I first moved to London, he was a gentleman and great fun to be around. Even as a fledgling Dom, I found myself being instinctively respectful, and attentive to his conversation. Eventually, after many discussions, he suggested that in order to be a good Dom/Master, I should really experience what it was like to be a slave. To understand the feelings and experiences a slave goes through in our hands. Also, to experience sub-space (not a myth), and realise what my masochistic side really was. I know a lot of D/Ms will recoil at that last comment, but we all have both, however small those urges are. Enjoying inflicting pain and discomfort comes from within, not outside influences. I'm talking about our, normal, and incredible lifestyle. To enjoy one, we must have a hidden, or shallow, urge for the opposite. Imagination comes from desire, not urge.
Anyway, I agreed that this was a valid statement and idea, and because I trusted him, I tentatively gave myself to him in servitude. I found the only way to do this was completely, and immediately. No half measures or second thoughts. And so, my journey began.
I learned the hard way of course. I have always been stubborn and outspoken, and so I spent the first couple of months not being comfortable sitting down. He was a strict disciplinarian and took no insolence or disobedience. He was swift to administer it and showed no mercy within his lessons. There were tears before bedtime, quite regularly. I also spent a lot of time in those early months gimped and ignored for hours. It always made me hard and dribble with anticipation! I also spent a lot of time in glorious sub-space. He was a master in every sense of the word.
But what he also taught me, and one of the most important life lessons I have ever learned, is that a slave, no matter how severely you use them or discipline them, Is a human being at their core. As much as some will beg for utter humiliation and degradation, they are, at the end of the day, giving permission for another to treat them that way and even perhaps take away their full freewill. However much a D/M wants to buck against this idea, do you remember that slave who left you because things went wrong? There are plenty out there. I have met them or chatted with them online.
Pain-pigs have the desire to receive our harsh hand, CP, flogging etc. But, being treated like an animal takes strength, not weakness. As such, in my not at all humble opinion, it is a Master's responsibility to make sure that the slave/sub, even sub-human is protected from physical and mental damage. If body modification or scarification is your thing, go ahead. I am not criticising anyone's lifestyle choices. My creed has always been, "If it's going on between consenting adults, it is no one else's business." A slave is consenting. However, that consent demands trust and respect.
I know there are a lot of D/Ms out there who believe that a slave is nothing more than meat, and respect is a ridiculous thing to talk about in this situation. But respect comes in many guises. I am lucky enough to have an utterly amazing partner, who I am actually Alpha Daddy to. His profile is HackneyRascal. In no way is he my slave, but I do own him, and he shows me devotion the likes of which I have never experienced before. Our role play is dark and fascinating too, but that's not what I'm here to talk about. He is given space on my profile because he should always be included in my life.
But here is the twist. We are polyamorous, and he has a husband. It was in fact his amazing husband who gave us his blessing to call ourselves partners - which we are in every sense of that word. But my beautiful boy has other Daddies, all from whom he gets something different. The beauty of a poly lifestyle is never having to compromise, or care about loving more than one person, is more natural to us than being pushed into corners that are destructive and demoralising.
What has this to do with Masters and slaves? Well, I tell you about my beautiful boy as a juxtaposition to my slaves. They are just that. They serve me, attend me, and take care of every need I decide to train them to take care of. Like my former master, I am strict, a real disciplinarian. Discipline is not for pleasure, it is for teaching, and I am, without question, sadistic. As I mentioned earlier, hearing a slave whimper, or even cry, is music to me, in fact, one of my favourite songs!
But here's my biggest concern, and it won't be popular. Do not fall into the trap of believing the porn movies. Platforms like Kink.com have highly trained D/s and most actually went through training with the platform as subs before they were allowed to go anywhere near the role of a Dom! They are also staged, and very closely monitored roleplays. Of course, the D/s involved, generally speaking, live our lifestyle. But the movie, just like MGM, is a fantasy! Of course, not every Dom out there is lucky enough to have had the experience I had, and I was very lucky, but some do literally learn by watching cheap porn movies. There is no shame in that, I still occasionally pic up tips from a good porn movie. I am a huge fan of Kink.com because it's not just about movies. It's about learning and live teaching! A rare thing on a porn platform when it's done so well.
But this is where the real danger lies. As a sub/slave your dark side craves to be treated in s specific way. To give up all control and be 'forced' into your scene. Being told what to do, have pain inflicted as your M/D decides, gimped, fisted, Shibari ( I am only now learning to perform). That's the goal of a slave, submission, and service. Or it should be Boi's.
But what happens when you're tied down, aching to be fisted, and you know you can't escape? Well, basically, anything your captor decides. How long has he been a Dom? Does he have any other slaves? Has he fisted anyone before? Does he understand the difference between marking and bleeding? You get the point.
Fantasy, I promise you, is easy in your head with your hand on your cock! But when control is needed, it is not a fantasy, it's a reality, and skin breaks easily with no control. The psychology of control is not about being in the fantasy, it's about being in the scene. It's fine for a slave to hit sub space, I love getting my subs there. But if you are not in the hands of an honest D/M, you are in trouble. Some damage is irreversible too. A colostomy bag is for life, not just for Christmas. Safe words are called that for a reason.
So, my point is this; However, your relationship works, it should be symbiotic, understanding, and controlled by a responsible D/M.If as a slave, you are feeling damaged, medically, or psychologically, then you are in a dangerous situation and should leave it immediately! However, if you know your D/M is treating you the way you know you need and is also aware and respectful of your state of mind, then you have found someone to respect and obey, if you are both lucky, for the rest of your life.
To the sub-humans out there, my only words of caution are these. Make sure you are not going to die at the hands of a sadistic man who has nothing in his repertoire but violence. He is not a D/M, he is an abuser. Trust me, we are vastly different beasts. I spend a lot of time on here chatting with people who have built up their fantasy way past the reality of their experience. They do not realise what they are offering, and that is your responsibility. D/Ms are not psychic, and if you offer us a gift, we will open it like a child at Christmas.
So, remember. Always be careful what you wish for. Reality is seldom the same as your fantasies!
***If you'd like to share a fetish or kink experience in a member article, send your ideas or a first draft to: firstname.lastname@example.org