Race Bannon AKA member LoneWolfPig has been an organizer, writer, educator, speaker and activist in the LGBT, leather/kink, polyamory and HIV/STI prevention and treatment realms since 1973. In this first article he talks about discovering co-bottoming with his sub(s).
Spend time in the men's kink scene and you'll hear the term "co-topping", when two guys top a guy together. Oddly, you don't hear the term "co-bottoming" nearly as often, if ever. I'm here to tell you co-bottoming is a thing.
I don't believe most kinksters are overly dedicated to one sex or role position. Most of us fall somewhere on the spectrum of proclivities. That's been the case for me having come out into leather in the early 70s essentially entirely top and dom, then slowly and ploddingly morphing over decades to what Recon profiles identify as 50/50 (versatile or switch).
Along the way during this exploration and self-discovery an interesting phenomenon has emerged, and I've labeled it co-bottoming.
Let me take you back to 1993. My partner Mike and I were at the infamous men's BDSM weekend, Inferno. Mike was collared as my slave at the time. Back then I could still count how often I'd bottomed in a kink sense on one hand. Our friend and leather icon, Tony DeBlase, asked us if we'd consider bottoming for him. With no reluctance or hesitation, we both said yes. Tony tied us up in the dungeon that night and did nasty, wonderful things to us as only Tony could do. This was the first time I'd bottomed alongside someone let alone with someone who was sub to me.
In the late 90s I had a hot boy collared for a while. While he was sub to me in terms of power dynamics, he not only liked me fucking and topping him, but it turned out he liked seeing his doms topped too. My boy rented a motel room and arranged a sex party at which I ended up being banged senseless alongside him. We kissed and got into each other throughout the experience. It was an eye opener.
Fast forward a few years later. I have a hot slave collared. Amid the dozens of BDSM and sex sessions we had over the four plus years we were together my slave often suggested we invite someone to join us. It turned out one night one of those guys joining us wanted to top me and my slave and my slave had instigated it. So here I was, Master to this hunk of man and he wanted us to both bottom to what turned out to be a mountain of a handsome muscled porn star sort of guy. I figured what the fuck. Let's give this a try. Again, another eye opener.
Not only had I experienced bottoming alongside my former boy, but here I was with my slave in one of the deeper dom/sub relationships of my life, and we were bottoming to a guy together, and we both loved it.
Right about this time my historically dominant mind was having a "how the fuck did you get here" moment wondering why this was so damn hot. To this day, I'm not entirely sure why it's such a turn on, but it is.
Interestingly, bottoming alongside just anyone doesn't trip my erotic triggers as does bottoming alongside someone with whom I've got some sort of connection, whether that be casual fuck buddy or an ongoing partner or sub counterpart. I seem to need those deeper interactions before co-bottoming becomes significantly compelling to me.
We've heard the adage that leather is about connection, that kink is about connection. Well, in my case, co-bottoming turns out to be about connection too.
For a long time, I had this wording in my Recon profile: "I'm a switch who gravitates strongly to subs who are turned on being sub to a versatile dom. That might mean just us playing one-on-one with me as top/dom to you, or it might mean we also take on tops/doms as a team. Lots of options."
I found it fascinating that when I inserted that paragraph in my profile bottoms, subs and slaves immediately started to send me more messages. While I don't have a firmly founded explanation as to why this is the case, it was true. Evidently my disclosure that I was open to bottoming alongside one of my bottoms or subs had an allure that to this day I'm still trying to understand.
Maybe it's the vulnerability. Maybe it's the transparency. Maybe it's all the porn that circulates in which two or more bottoms are being fucked or worked over. Maybe it's an ability to trust a dom more who also bottoms. Maybe it's all those things. I'm not sure. But what I can tell you, gentlemen, is that co-bottoming is hot and more pervasive than we realize.
Since my coming out into this form of play countless men have divulged their own co-bottoming experiences. Long-time partners who both identify as primarily bottom. Doms and subs who sometimes bottom and even sub together in ways that seem to do nothing but strengthen their core dom/sub dynamics. Bottom leaning play buddies who prefer to explore their play with someone else who also leans bottom, at least some of the time. It's been fascinating to be privy to all these private twists and turns in guys' erotic lives.
A couple of months ago I was at the infamous Horse Market party in San Francisco. At these parties, bottoms (mares) only bottom and are hooded throughout the party. Tops (stallions) only top. I was there as a mare, much to the shock of some friends who know me mostly as a top and dom. Also attending was one of my best friends and regular fuck buddies. He too went as a mare.
Before the event started, we asked one of the volunteer handlers if he could keep us together for at least for some of the party so we could experience being anonymously fucked together. The handler kindly obliged and my buddy and I ended up getting pummeled side by side nonstop for nearly two hours, kissing each other, holding each other, until one of the stallions finally moved one of us away to another location to play.
That entire party was great, but those couple of hours when my friend and I were plowed senseless was the stellar experience of the night.
If any of this sounds fun, give it a try. Co-bottoming is a thing. May those who might find it worth exploring also discover its pleasures as well.
Race Bannon has been an organizer, writer, educator, speaker and activist in the LGBT, leather/kink, polyamory and HIV/STI prevention and treatment realms since 1973. He's authored two books, been published extensively, spoken to hundreds of audiences, created the world's largest kink-friendly psychotherapist and medical referral service, was a leader of The DSM Project that led to a beneficial change in the way American psychotherapy views BDSM, founded a groundbreaking alternative sexuality publishing company, been an internet radio sex talk show host, received national and local awards, and appeared in numerous documentaries. He currently also writes for the Bay Area Reporter and on his blog